As Fine As You Are

While we're talking about the '80s, let's take a look at the soundtrack of my 8th grade year, Van Halen's 1984 (1984) -- huh huh huh, he said "1984" twice. Released in early January, this was a mega-hit. In fact, it reached #2 on the charts, held out of the top spot by some piece of shit called Thriller.

1984 was the 6th and final release by the original Van Halen line-up, or as I simply call them, the real Van Halen. The '80s were an awkward decade, and 13-going-on-14 is an awkward age. These are a couple of the factors that contributed to the pervasive impression that future Vegas sideshow David Lee Roth was about the coolest guy on two feet. But, I digress.

This album was not without its controversy amongst hardcore Van Halen fans. After all, keyboards played a prominent role in what had always been a guitar-driven band. In any event...

"1984" is just a little, one-minute-long synthesizer instrumental, leading into the hugely popular (many said, "sell-out" -- as if that could even apply to Van Halen) lead single. "Jump" was a #1 hit that sold something ridiculous like 3 million copies. It holds a special place in my heart because it served as WGN TV's theme song for Cubs broadcasts for many years.

"Panama" is one of those ultra-catchy, classic Van Halen tunes with Eddie's guitar riffs, Alex's thunderous drums, and Michael's booming bass. And, of course, there was the quintessential Roth cheese ("Reach down between my legs[PAUSE]and ease the seat back").

"Top Jimmy" has some of Eddie's coolest sounding guitar work. "Drop Dead Legs" is almost ZZ Top-Eliminator-esque in its heavy guitar/bass combo.

"Hot For Teacher" has a drum intro that seems to approximate the starting of a Harley. The guitar solo is Eddie at some of his Eddie-est. Roth throws in some classic spoken-word stuff ("I don't feel tardy"). And, the video was among the biggest hits in the still-early days of MTV. (Remember music videos?)

"I'll Wait" is the best song on the album. It's based around a catchier-than-catchy synth bit and too-cool drum rolls. The middle is a guitar solo in which Eddie channels Hendrix. This was the song I always played in 8th grade and early high school when I would pretend I was going to have the guts to ask a girl out. (I was such a shy boy.)

After the uninterrupted string of classics above, the album finishes with two songs I really didn't remember before I dusted this puppy off last night:

"Girl Gone Bad" has all the early Van Halen ingredients in mostly the right proportions. It's actually a pretty darned good song. I just used to pick up the needle and replay "I'll Wait" over and over, so I don't remember this one.

Likewise for "House Of Pain." It's heavyish, with nice guitar work, and some S&M innuendo in the lyrics. The vocals have some mildly annoying effects. Then, there's a little "ah ah, ah ah" break almost reminiscent of Led Zeppelin's "Black Dog" that leads directly into an abrupt fade-out that makes me wonder if this was really a finished song or not. Interesting.

So, bottom line, this one probably isn't on too many people's lists of "best" albums. But, it probably should/could be...especially if you were a 13-going-on-14-year-old Cub fan when it came out.