Friday, December 08, 2006

Clapton v. ________, Vol. I

Since rock music history is a bit of a hobby of mine, and since I'm not quite over my Clapton-bashing mood just yet, here's a new semi-regular feature on HH: "Clapton v. _______."

This should provide endless hours of edutainment!

Let's start from the top: Clapton v. Hendrix.

Judge: Counselor, am I to understand you wish to file a motion on behalf of your client?

Attorney: Yes, your honor, on behalf of the late, great Mr. Hendrix, I would like to file a motion for summary judgement.

Judge: On what grounds?

Attorney: "Machine Gun," your honor.

Judge: Motion granted. Mr. Clapton, you are hereby found guilty of being a pale (pardon the expression) imitation of Mr. Hendrix. In fact, you are not even worthy of licking the sweat off his dead balls. Your lawsuit seeking recognition and respect is hereby dismissed. Furthermore, in light of your remake of "Little Wing" (clearly the worst track of the Derek & The Dominos project, and a horrid butchery of a majestic Hendrix tune), I am ordering the body of Mr. Hendrix exhumed, and hereby sentencing you to suck on his decaying pelvic bone. This court is adjourned.

12 Comments:

Blogger Beth said...

And the courtroom goes wild!

10:15 AM, December 08, 2006  
Blogger Old Lady said...

Well, see now, there you go, putting up somebody nobody has a chance against dead or alive, but don't you think the sentence is a little stiff? Maybe he should play 'Little Black Egg' 500 times instead.

11:45 AM, December 08, 2006  
Blogger haahnster said...

Beth: You're too kind.

OL: I didn't have much time this morning...had to be a lop-sided match-up. That said, I could make a pretty strong argument for Buddy Guy against Hendrix. That's a post for another day, though. Hendrix might still win, but a much fairer fight.

And, no, the sentence is not too stiff. The punishment must fit the crime.

12:07 PM, December 08, 2006  
Blogger Rob said...

You know who else is a better guitarist than Clapton?

Prince.

4:32 PM, December 08, 2006  
Blogger Beth said...

And Rob scores eight cool points today!

4:48 PM, December 08, 2006  
Blogger mat said...

I had no idea how deep your hatred for EC went. "Not even worthy of licking the sweat off his dead balls" ? Holy cow man, that's cold! I am not a Clapton fan, but ....wow...

5:17 PM, December 08, 2006  
Anonymous Glassmeow said...

I would even venture to say that Richard Thompson could best EC most days of the week.

7:02 PM, December 08, 2006  
Blogger haahnster said...

Rob, Beth & GM: There will be more match-ups in the near future.

Mat: No hatred required. I speak that way of my best friends and relatives, and still kiss my mother with the same mouth. Actually, I hate that expression. I don't kiss my own mother. That's just sick.

7:23 PM, December 08, 2006  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Bait...

Bait...

Bait...

Bait...

Like I said, that graffito was written years ago. Before anybody knew who the Schenkers brothers were, before a Lifeson or a Van Halen.

What doesn't help is that Clapton as a soloist, has become lazy and this smacks of shooting Erics, er, fish in a barrel. If you really want to impress me, Haahnster, put an arguement forth that Richie Blackmore is underrated.

12:10 AM, December 09, 2006  
Blogger rabidt said...

See, this is the kind of blues that Clapton can only dream about: Hendrix has been dead for over 35 years and his balls are still sweaty. Clapton should get in there and get a taste just on the off chance he might learn something.

No, this wasn't a fair fight. Hendrix vs. Clapton and you go straight to "Machine Gun." Now THAT was some cold shit, brother (and I already mentioned the sweaty balls thing, so I know what else you said).

Rob - good call on Prince. Anyone need some convenient evidence of Clapton vs. Prince? Check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ND7wSZj-L0 (or search youtube for Prince "While My Guitar Gently Weeps") Now, it's probably not fair to compare this version to the orginal recording that Clapton played on, but think of it this way: if Clapton played this song today, can you even imagine him having 1/10th of the fire and passion that Prince throws down here? No way. But from the "best" blues (or rock) guitarist, you'd think we would demand all this and more. Why have we allowed Clapton to shirk his duties so completely? Prince walks on to some shitty awards show playing Clapton's material and exhibits more artistic credibility in those circumstances than Clapton can manage as leader of his own career.

Re: Glassmeow's comment: "I would even venture to say"? Dude, no need to tread so lightly! How about, "from the first lick in the "Time Will Show the Wiser" solo in 1968 to the last concert he's played, Richard Thompson's guitar playing consistently has been more intense, soulful, inventive, emotionally rewarding, and technically evolved than Eric Clapton's (and Thompson doesn't even play blues)." Here's a recent concert review for Richard Thompson (first one I found): http://www.roanoke.com/extra/wb/wb/xp-89341
I haven't read any recent Clapton reviews, but I'd be surprised if they would sound this interesting. Obligatory "best guitarist ever" comments included.

12:28 AM, December 09, 2006  
Anonymous Glassmeow said...

'k, radbit, here's what the man (RT) said...


"I'm not a mainstream writer. I am what I am. I don't play in one of the popular styles of music. I don't play white blues or white soul music. I'm not Eric Clapton. I'm not Sting."

Speaking of "the last concert he played", I hope he's coming back this way again soon.

8:58 PM, December 14, 2006  
Anonymous Iain said...

OK, Prince is a great guitarist but I don't think he's in the top 3. According to www.rankopedia.com, the best is Hendrix, followed by Page and Clapton.

1:48 PM, January 02, 2007  

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