Tuesday, March 06, 2007

6 Weird Things About Me

I've been tagged by Beth. So, here it goes...

1. I am color blind...I think. This I know for certain: I struggle to identify colors. It's not like the world is a black & white TV. I don't see just shades of gray. The world is a multi-colored rainbow. I just can't distinguish/identify much beyond the boldest primary colors. For example, I have trouble with certain shades of green and blue, or of green and brown, or of red and orange, or yellow and orange, or pink and red, or purple and blue, or...you get the idea. I'm looking at my computer screen as I type this, and near the bottom left corner are "buttons" that say "SAVE AS DRAFT" and "PUBLISH." I really don't know what color either one is.

So, I'd say it's a form of color blindness, or maybe my mom just never bought me a big enough crayon box.

2. I hate people. Or, rather, I really dislike their ways. I assume that the general public is quite stupid, as manifested by their poor driving skills, the disproportionate number of top-rated TV shows that are horrid cliches, and the continued success of Rush Limbaugh. I would rather sit on the couch alone drinking beer (see #3 below) than venture out of the house. This one truly defies logic, because my nearly 37 years on this Earth have taught me that most people (and I mean the vast majority) that I actually meet and get to know, even casually, I will like. In fact, a good number I will like quite a lot. However, I still enter into every potential encounter with anyone I've never met assuming that I will not like them. Weird, isn't it?

3. I drink alone (yeah, with nobody else/And when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself). This one has some roots in practicality. I was pulled over for DUI on New Year's Eve 1986, or rather very early New Year's Day 1987. I was 16. I'd love to say it made an impression, and I suppose it did. It was several years before I drove that drunk again. In any event, now, 20 years later, I am pretty steadfast in my avoidance of drinking and driving. Plus, I don't like to go places where I might meet new people (which is damn near all places). But, the overwhelming desire to undertake a massive drinking binge strikes me at least 3 to 5 times per year. So, I'll suck down 17 beers or so in about 2 or 3 hours, listening to old tunes, gradually removing articles of clothing, and eventually passing out on the couch. [Note: Songs that are often heard during drinky time, but rarely when sober, include "Time" by Hootie & The Blowfish, "A Long December" by Counting Crows, and "Good Friday" by the Black Crowes.]

4. I've never seen an episode of American Idol. Not interested. In this specific case, probably it's due to how the show's been described to me by others. I'm not interested in the cookie-cutter-like construction of a hit singer, nor am I interested in the standard definition of "good singing." I've always valued gut feel over technique, many of my favorite musical artists having, shall we say, unconventional voices. But, I've also had a long-standing policy of shying away from the "latest big thing." For example, I never watched an episode of Friends either, or Saved by the Bell in its day, or Beverly Hills 90210, etc. Now, I'll admit that Seinfeld was huge for several seasons. But, I was watching it from the beginning while it was still getting its butt kicked in the Wednesday night ratings by Tim Allen's goofy Tool Time show or whatever the hell that was called. Mainly, I've never been that avid a TV watcher. I'm just weird that way, I suppose.

5. I must have some (at least mild) form of OCD. I'm not quite Jack Nicholson's character in As Good As It Gets. However, I do have some strange tendencies. It takes me forever to pay bills, as I get caught in a seemingly endless loop of checking the account number I've written on the memo line of the check against the account number printed on the statement, back and forth, back and forth. Then, I'll check that I've transferred the details of the check to the check register (check number, date, payee, amount)--was there a comma before "Inc."? Getting the envelope stuffed and sealed is an entire adventure in and of itself. I signed the check, right? Is that address properly showing through the envelope's window? Yes, OK, here we go--oh, wait, once it's sealed, it's too late. Let me check one more time to make sure I signed the check. The account number is on there, right?

And, showers, fuggetaboutit...I've come up with a strict, well-choreographed routine that ensures that all appropriate washing occurs, without being caught in an endless loop of Did I wash my left armpit yet? etc. Unfortunately, some mornings I'm too tired, practically sleepwalking into the shower. I'll realize at some point that I'm off my routine, and then panic hits. My mind begins to race. I usually have to pause, take a deep breath, and start the routine from the beginning. It's better than getting caught in the endless loop of Did I? or Didn't I?

As for brushing my teeth, it can be a marathon. Oh, and hey, everyone who uses deodorant in stick form ("Speedstick" for me) counts the exact number of strokes under each armpit as they apply the deodorant, right?

6. Sometimes I shave my balls. I haven't done that in a long time. I think I might do that again real soon.


Blogger Beth said...

Weird Fact #7: He unabashedly quotes George Thorogood. Haahnster must be bad to the bone or something.

And keep us posted on the ball-shaving. It's something we simply must know.

10:57 AM, March 06, 2007  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

I'm with you on #'s 2,3, most of 4 (I like the dialogue on "Friends," tired of the actors/actresses), and 5.

You're on your own on number six, though I will soon be inclined as it seems that all of my hair is the leaving the top of my head and steadily migrating down there.

10:46 PM, March 06, 2007  

There's nothing wrong with number 6.

6:41 AM, March 07, 2007  
Blogger haahnster said...

Beth: I love that you got the spelling of his name right. So many seem to want it spelled like the word "thorough."

WP: Just do it! The lady in your life will love the silky-smooth, baby's-bottom-soft feel of your freshly-shorn sack.

CS: I agree.

10:32 AM, March 07, 2007  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

"WP: Just do it! The lady in your life will love the silky-smooth, baby's-bottom-soft feel of your freshly-shorn sack."

The Missus doesn't want and I'm getting so self-concious about it, that I've offered several times.

12:35 PM, March 08, 2007  
Blogger Dale said...

I applaud your #2. That sounded horrible, like I'm clapping because you made poo. You know what I mean. I'm the same way. A few of them turn out to be okay. And then you find out they shave their balls. :-)

6:47 AM, March 10, 2007  

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