Friday, October 06, 2006

I Woke Up This Morning, And I Got Myself A Beer

Actually, I didn't. But, I'm sitting here wishing I had.

I heard the most ridiculous political ad on the radio this morning, driving through Central Illinois. It went something like this:

Woman's voice droning about "Mike Smith" voting against internet filters in schools to protect kids from on-line predators, even though he knows 1 in 6 kids has been propositioned over the internet...Mike Smith is out of touch with Illinois families...

So, now I start paying attention, because this is sounding like some pretty negative stuff. And, so, here is my (pretty good, I think) attempt at transcribing the rest of the ad from memory:

Same woman's voice: "Even though thousands of sex offenders are missing from the rolls, Mike Smith voted to divert key funds from the state police sex registry initiative. Instead, he spent the money on pork projects for the city of Chicago."

[Let me pause here to explain to my readers from outside Illinois that this is a classic downstate-Illinois tactic: blame Chicago for any/all perceived evils, and tie your opponent to Chicago.]

Man's voice: "So, Mike Smith voted to take money from the state police and spend it on a parade and hip hop festival?!? That's just wrong! Mike Smith is out of touch."

[Now, I probably don't have to explain the implications here. But, just in case, let me explain that large portions of downstate-Illinois are rural, lots of small towns and farming, mostly white people, isolated from the diversity of a larger, urban area such as Chicago. The mere mention of "hip hop" can only be designed to play on the basest racial stereotypes and fears (Fear of a Black Planet, as Public Enemy would say). Or, maybe it's just me. But, I'd love to see the bill that was introduced in the Illinois State Legislature that stated, "Let's take money out of a state police sex offender registry project and use it to hold a hip hop festival in Chicago."]

I need that beer.


Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

I thought "the enemy was public, they don't give a damn?" Go figure.

We have a Repub here running for State Attorney General who is running the same type of smear, only the ad has three people talking by a water cooler. It amazes me that no one can talk about what they're going to do for a particular office anymore, because they're either attacking their opponent, or defending themselves from a "fact" that was plucked out of the Twilight Zone.

BTW, everybody, don't vote for Haahnster as your dictator for life. He wants you to eat salad and nothing but salad. A vote for Write Procrastinator, is a vote for prime rib and steak in every household, along with a 42" HDTV.

9:35 AM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger Beth said...

I need a beer, too. Sounds like politics in Georgia ... and we have a similar Atlanta-vs.-Georgia thing.

And I'm voting for Write Procrastinator. Sorry, Haahnster, but I need more than salad.

12:41 PM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger Old Lady said...

Calgon take me away! I think for every negative ad, that party or candidate should donate $1,000 for a hip-hop party!

1:46 PM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger Rob said...

a.) As a childless Chicagoan hip-hop fan, this sounds like an okay trade to me. Vote Mike Smith!

b.) Whose ad was it? Who is "Mike Smith"?? Is he running in your district?

3:19 PM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

"And I'm voting for Write Procrastinator. Sorry, Haahnster, but I need more than salad."

"Write Procrastinator is endorsed by the Beths of Georgia. Haahnster has taken special interest money from Fresh Choice and the Alfalfa Growers of America. Do you want someone who supports your values? Or do you want an alfalfa-loving communist?"

See how simple that is? I'm going into the hit-piece ad industry.

1:14 AM, October 07, 2006  
Blogger haahnster said...

WP: I refuse to go negative in this fictional campaign.

Beth: I'm shocked.

OL: They could send me the $1,000.

Rob: I'm not sure why I used the " ". Mike Smith is his real name. He's a state representative (Democrat) from Canton, IL. (I had to look that up.) And, apparently, he would rather hold hip hop festivals in Chicago with all his big-city pals than protect our children from internet predators...the bastard.

2:19 AM, October 07, 2006  

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