Saturday, May 05, 2007

Wild Animal UFC

OK, enough already with this "mixed martial arts" fighting! I don't care about humans fighting any more. I want some real fighting!!!

Ring Announcer: In the bluuuuuuue corner, 12 years old, standing at 5' 9" tall, weighing in at 440 pounds, fighting out of the Republic of Congo, it's Siiiiiiiil-verrrr-baaaaack Gooooooo-rilla!!!!!!!!

In the rrrrrrrrreddd corner, 9 years old, standing at 5' tall...on all fours, 10' tall standing on his hind legs, weighing in at 1,500 pounds, fighting out of the Kodiak Archipelago south of Alaska, it's Koooooooooo-di-akkkkkkk Bearrrrrr!!!!!!

TV Commentator: Clearly, Kodiak has a tremendous size advantage. But, Silverback is compact and super freakin' strong. If Kodiak rears up on his hind legs, look for Silverback to bull-rush him, get him on his back, and do the classic 'ground and pound.' But, he's gotta watch out for Kodiak's guard. Kodiak has some amaaaazing biting and clawing techniques...

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Blogger Keith Kennedy said...

I'd do Pay Per View for that one!

9:16 AM, May 05, 2007  
Blogger Jeremy said...

In college, my roommates and I did much research on the hypothetical fight between the Kodiak and the Razorback. One interesting advantage that the Razorback may have is the ability to use a tool. Opposable thumbs, bitch!

11:55 AM, May 05, 2007  
Blogger mat said...

What are the Vegas odds on Roger Rabbit?

3:50 PM, May 05, 2007  
Blogger haahnster said...

KK: Do you have a big-screen TV? If so, I'd bring the cold brew.

Jeremy: Gorillas and humans share something like 96% of the same DNA, I think I read somewhere. They have been known to use tools, and do problem solving type of shit like using a stick to check the depth of a stream before crossing it. Pretty cool.

Mat: I think a C-note on Rog could set up your retirement, if he managed a victory!

9:29 PM, May 05, 2007  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

I'd go with the bear. They can do a hit and run that the gorilla couldn't adjust to.

10:46 PM, May 09, 2007  

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