Caf-F#CKIN-feine

Look, asshole, unless that's fucking decaf coffee in your cup, I don't want to hear shit about my Diet Mountain Dew. OK, nutlick? Got it, cockslurp? OK, good. Here's the math:

CAFFEINE

Coffee averages approx. 100 mg per cup (8 fl oz).

Mountain Dew has 54.5 mg per 12 oz can.

12 / 8 = 1.5

1.5 x 100 = 150

150 is almost 3 times 54.5

Thus, let your coffee-drinking suckage of my Diet-Mountain-Dew ass begin forthwith.

Good day, all.