Returning Home In Time For Labor Day Weekend

The map on the bottom (that's Mississippi highlighted) is where I am. The map on the top (that's Illinois highlighted) is where I want to be.

Friday, this should be rectified.

Thanks again for your patience.

No Time For Blogging...Sorry

Here's a classic move:

Working on the road has left me with no time or energy for blogging this week. As a blatant attempt to garner your goodwill, I am going back to the old fail-safe: an Emily photo.

This one was from right around Easter.

I trust your week is going better than mine, whomever/wherever you are.

Haahnster's Review Of The Emmys

Have I ever shared with you the extent to which I loathe awards shows? "Look at me. I'm so spectacular. My work is so important." Blah blah fucking blah.

Whatever.

Fortunately for you, I cannot review last night's Emmys, as I did not see them. I spent my evening traveling. The highlight was looking at a screen in O'Hare and watching my flight change from a 90-minute delay at gate C2 back to "On Time" at gate F2. For those unfamiliar with the internal geography of O'Hare, let's just say C2 and F2 are not exactly "neighbors."

United is on my shit list now, too.

More Fun In An Airport

Situation: I was booked on Flight A which was scheduled to leave from Gate X to Destination City #1 at 8:35 PM. Unfortunately, Flight B was also scheduled to leave from the same gate to a different destination, and had been delayed until 8:30 PM. So, I had the following conversation with an unnamed employee from an unnamed airline (cough) AMERICAN AIRLINES (cough):

Haahnster: Should I be concerned?
Airline Employee: Why?
Haahnster: Well, it's probably a physical impossibility to have two flights depart from the same gate within 5 minutes of each other, isn't it?
Airline Employee: Oh, that could never happen.
Haahnster: Right. But, that's what the screens are showing.
Airline Employee: One of the flights will be moved to a different gate, or further delayed.
Haahnster: That seems likely. So, shouldn't the screens be updated?
Airline Employee: They probably haven't decided yet.
Haahnster: Since we're less than 45 minutes from scheduled take-off...
Airline Employee (interrupting with irritated voice): They probably haven't decided yet.
Haahnster turns to walk away, and mutters under breath (so as not to be flagged as a potential terrorist): A real fucking business would have decided by now.

PS - Our flight was moved to a different gate about 10 minutes later. Then, it was moved again about 10 minutes after that. (No one announced either of these gate changes, mind you. Lesson, which I had already learned on previous travels: WATCH THE SCREENS! Recheck them frequently.)

Our flight, though never officially "delayed," left nearly 1 hour late. But, that's okay, I had already been delayed 2 hours on the previous connection, and thus had missed my original flight by more than 1 hour, which led to a 2 hour layover for the flight discussed above. Bottom line: I was a total of 4 hours late in arriving at my "final" destination. Air travel is fabulous!!!

"When I Drink Alone, I Prefer To Be By Myself"

“Jeez-us H. Kr-eye-st! I think you’ve got a hard-on!”

I miss my family. I suppose I’m not the world’s best traveler. Alexis started school this week. It would be more than a bit better if I were at home. I’m watching Law & Order: CI and D’Onofrio just asked a little girl if her mom ever called her “Jennifer Juniper”. Nothing like a Donovan song reference to make me throw up in my mouth…well, that and the 6 pints of beer…

“You climb obstacles like old people fuck! You’re too slow!”

I only have cell phone service out in the parking lot between the motel and the gas station next to it. Unfortunately, there were about 17 semi trucks zooming by every 30 seconds when I tried to speak to my wife. LOUD! (The trucks, not my wife – I’m the loud one.)

“Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then, quit! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle!”

I cut myself in 5 separate spots on my face while shaving this morning. That has to be a new record for me. Paging the sorrowful young Werther. Am I subconsciously suicidal or merely clumsy beyond imagination? I’m guessing it was just the latter.

“You slimy looking, walrus looking piece of shit…”

My gawd, this beer tastes goooooood! I haven’t had more than two beers in an evening in months. I’m hoping to drink until I pass out tonight. I can’t wait to read this mental diarrhea tomorrow morning, after I’ve slept this off…

“Did your parents have any children that lived? I’ll bet they regret that. You’re so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece.”

Have I ever told you how much I love the song “For The Turnstiles” from Neil Young’s On The Beach album? (“All the bush league batters/Are left to die on the diamond/In the stands/The home crowd scatters/For the turnstiles”) while Ben Keith plays an amazing dobro and Neil picks on a wicked banjo.

I just saw a promo spot for the U.S. Open (Tennis). I like Andre Agassi.

“Until then you are unorganized, grab-ass-tic pieces of amphibian shit. You are not even human-fucking-beings!”

Oh, that last Gunnery Sgt. Hartman quotation reminded me of the Alec Baldwin character from Glengarry Glen Ross. “Put that coffee down. Coffee’s for closers only. You think I’m fuckin’ with you? I am not fuckin’ with you. Your name’s Levine? You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch?”

That has to be one of the all-time great characters in movie history, especially in terms of highlighting the emotional vacancy inherent in being a hardcore businessman.

“The good news is you’re fired. The bad news is you’ve got, all you’ve got just 1 week to reclaim your jobs. Starting with tonight. Starting with tonight’s sit. Oh, are you listening now? Have I got your attention now? Good. Because we’re adding a little something to this month’s sales contest. 1st prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anyone wanna see 2nd prize? 2nd prize is a set of steak knives. 3rd prize is you’re fired.”

I hate myself when I’m working.

“The leads are weak? The fuckin’ leads are weak?! You’re weak.”

I’m listening to one of my favorite Pearl Jam tunes. It’s one of the songs from the Singles soundtrack. It's called “Breath.” Great, stinging electric guitar…

“‘Fuck you’, that’s my name! I made $970,000 last year. How much did you make?”

Love that Alec Baldwin character…

Ooooooh! Now, I’ve got “Porch” from Pearl Jam’s debut, Ten. “Whatthefuckisthisworldcoming to?”…“This could be the day…”

Fuck it. I’m putting some fuckin’ pants on and walking to the Waffle House. I promise I’ll look both ways before I cross the highway…

Added this morning: I passed out before leaving for the Waffle House...just so you know.

A Quick Observation

During my travels through northern Mississippi, I have noticed quite a few pickup trucks on the road and in parking lots. In fact, as a percentage of total vehicles, I would guess 70% are pickup trucks.

I would like to be able to haul things. However, I am unsure that a pickup would be conducive to transporting a 14-month-old in a rear-facing carseat.

Am I An Honorary Southerner Yet?

I only ask because I have now eaten fried pickles. The picture here looks like pickle chips. I was served pickle spears. I couldn't find a more appropriate picture in the limited time allowed. Close enough for rock and roll.

PS - They were goooooood!

American Eagle Sucks Ass

Business travel will be my "m.o." for the next two weeks. I'll blog as possible. By the way, I was not overly impressed with American Eagle's service from O'Hare to Memphis last night.

On the other hand, my WAFFLE HOUSE breakfast this morning was phe-fucking-nomenal!!! I could actually feel myself getting fatter!

Neil Young On "The Rah-Pore"

Neil Young's Thursday night appearance on Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report" is up on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oBavlNfAKM

Pretty good stuff.

Love that Stephen Colbert...

I've Been Tagged

Ten Years Ago
I was managing a restaurant and living with my lunatic of an ex-girlfriend.

Five Years Ago
Shelly and I had been married for 2 months, and I had been working for my current employer for 1 month.

One Year Ago
We had purchased our house and I had been in my current position both for 2.5 months, and Emily was 2 months old.

Five Songs I Know All The Words To
1. "T-Bone" by Neil Young and Crazy Horse ("Got mashed poatatoes. Got mashed potatoes. Ain't got no t-bone.")
2. "Tequila" by The Champs ("Tequila!")
3. "The Star Spangled Banner" - Jimi Hendrix version
4. "Rock And Roll Part 2" by Gary Glitter ("Hey")
5. "It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)" by Bob Dylan...just kidding

Five Snacks I Love and Wish I Could Eat
1. Hostess Ho-Hos
2. Chili Cheese Fries
3. Pizza Rolls
4. Potato Chips & Dip
5. White Castle Slyders

Five Places I'd Run Away to
1. My bathroom (I love it in there!)
2. My basement (if Alexis picked up her stuff first)
I don't get out much...

Five Favorite TV Shows (current or vintage)
1. Seinfeld
2. Law & Order: SVU
3. Law & Order : Criminal Intent
4. Law & Order
5. House

Five Things I'd Never Wear
1. a thong
2. parachute pants
3. lipstick
4. a bra (though I'm beginning to need one)
5. a beard

Five Favorite Toys
1. My naughty parts
2. Shelly's naughty parts
3. My turntable
4. My CD burner
5. The internet!!!!!!!!!!

A New "Power Couple"?

I have literally no time to put any thought into this post. That's what leads me to do a thing such as putting up a photo of Ann Coulter and Al Sharpton. Somewhere in the background I can hear Spike Lee saying, "The both of yous got jungle fever...the both of yous..."

I probably "rushed to judgment" on the freak pictured in yesterday's post. I had no time then either (was in the office from 6AM to 9PM--bad day, yesterday--didn't see Emily awake at all). I do stand by my opinion that kiddie pageants are a heinous idea, though.

Gotta run.

Die, Motherf*cker

And, although both Alexis and Emily are quite beautiful, neither have participated nor will ever participate in any of these bullshit "child pageants."

Peace.

"Well, I'm a barrel of laughs, with my carbine on..."

I haven't made a habit of posting about b**tlegs, for various reasons. (Actually, I prefer the term "unofficial releases," anyway.) But, I was listening to this unbelievably amazing gem again last night. It's a recording of a solo-acoustic performance by Neil at The Bottom Line in NYC on May 16, 1974. It's an audience recording (not a soundboard), but it's a damned good one. And, the songs are out of this world. This was 2 months before the release of On The Beach, one of my favorite LPs, and 5 cuts are featured here. Plus, there are 3 songs that have never been officially released on a Neil LP, and a song each from Tonight's The Night and Zuma, which were both released the following year (1975). Oh, and I shouldn't forget the title track to Long May You Run, which wasn't released until 1976.

Neil is incredibly talkative between songs, explaining why he was no longer playing "Southern Man" live, describing how to make his favorite snack treat ("honeyslides"), and all sorts of other banter. My favorite part might well be when someone from the crowd calls for a "country tune" and Neil responds (with slight hick accent), "Y'all wanna hear a country & western song?" Then he proceeds to play a wonderfully twangy version of the at-that-time-yet-to-be-released "Roll Another Number For The Road." And, the performance on "Pardon My Heart" is fucking mindbogglingly awesome.

01. Pushed It Over The End – never officially released
02. Long May You Run – later released on Long May You Run
03. Greensleeves – only officially released on a Ben Keith Christmas LP
04. Ambulance Blues – released 2 months later (On The Beach)
05. Helpless – originally from the CSNY album Deja Vu (1970)
06. Revolution Blues – released 2 months later (On The Beach)
07. On The Beach – released 2 months later (On The Beach)
08. Roll Another Number For The Road – later released on Tonight's The Night
09. Motion Pictures – released 2 months later (On The Beach)
10. Pardon My Heart – later released on Zuma
11. Dance, Dance, Dance – song was originally released as a single (1970?)
Bonus cuts: 12. For The Turnstiles – released 2 months later (On The Beach)
13. Flying On The Ground Is Wrong – originally from Buffalo Springfield (1966)

Now, if I could just figure out how to post audio...

A to Z: 2 Compilations Not To Be Altered

Haahnster can be a creature of habit. That’s for sure. And, certain things just were made to be a certain way. Changing those certain things would be unacceptable. That’s why I had to buy these two CDs while they still existed in unaltered format, the same 10 songs each, and in the same order from start to finish. The same as the vinyl LPs I grew up with, dammit!

Aerosmith’s Greatest Hits (1980): Pink might be Steven Tyler’s favorite crayon. But, to me, far and away the best Aerosmith music is still the 1970’s Aerosmith music. The first side (“Dream On”, “Same Old Song And Dance”, “Sweet Emotion”, “Walk This Way” and “Last Child”) is as strong a group of songs as was produced in that decade by almost anyone. The first 3 on the second side (“Back In The Saddle”, “Draw The Line” and “Kings And Queens”) are pretty fuckin’ good, too. The quality drops a notch with the two '60s remakes (“Come Together” and “Remember (Walking In The Sand)”). But they are good fun nonetheless.

The Best Of ZZ Top (1977): Mat reminded me of this one with his reference to the great FM radio double-play, “Waitin’ For The Bus”/”Jesus Just Left Chicago” (songs 2 and 3 on the 1st side). Of course, the opening song here (“Tush”) is a classic, as is Side 1, song 4 (“Francine”). The last song on Side 1, “Just Got Paid,” was always a personal favorite of mine. Man, I remember jamming along with Billy Gibbons on guitar to that one in the basement in 7th and 8th grade! (I ruled on air guitar, by the way.) Who could forget the 1st song on Side 2? It’s that ultimate John Lee Hooker “tribute” (rip-off, according to the courts), “La Grange.” The rest of the 2nd side (“Blue Jean Blues”, “Backdoor Love Affair”, “Beer Drinkers & Hell Raisers” and “Heard It On The X”) is solid, too. Great stuff!

Insert Your Own "Journey" Pun Here

As you might have witnessed already, I've been getting in touch with my musical roots in this disgustingly foul year of our lord, 2006. To that end, it was a "block party weekend" on the local classic rock FM radio station. That translates into "we'll play 3 or 4 songs in a row by the same group, then move on to the next." In the particular Sunday afternoon car ride home from the office I wish to describe, a "block" of Journey kicked off with 3 straight songs from their album Infinity (1978): "Feeling That Way", "Anytime", and "Wheel In The Sky". I'm ashamed to admit, I was getting into the groove. I'm certain I owned this album at one point, probably still do. I'd have to check. I know I haven't listened to it in more than 15 years. Admittedly, I was not quite 8 years old when it was released. Perhaps that colors my perception. In any event, I was driving along actually thinking, "Hey, maybe there really was a time when liking Journey didn't make you a pussy." Then came the 4th song in the "block." It was "Who's Crying Now" from their 9X Platinum album Escape (or ESC4P3, as they spell it on the cover) from 1981. Oh, yeah...Journey became a total wuss band. The question is, were they always? Well, color me vaginal, then. I always liked "Wheel In The Sky."

One other thing: The way that "Feeling that way!" always morphs right into "Oooooooh, anytime that you want me" on the radio got me thinking about songs that are ALWAYS played consecutively on FM radio. "We Will Rock You"/"We Are The Champions" by Queen is an example of a pair of songs, inseparable on the FM airwaves. The earliest example that I can think of right now (without really thinking about it) would be "Heartbreaker"/"Living Loving Maid" from Led Zeppelin II (1969). I don't ever remember hearing one without the other on FM radio as a kid. Even if it wasn't "double play Tuesday" (or whatever other cheesy promotion).

On My Failure To Fully Connect With The Writing Of John Cheever

I've read Falconer by John Cheever. I've read some of his short stories. I think I might have started The Wapshot Chronicle at one time, but never finished it. I think I'm going to classify what I know of Cheever's writing as a sort of literary equivalent to the guitar playing of Eric Clapton. While it might well be technically stunning, at times even perfect, it generally leaves me feeling hollow and empty. Similarly, most times, I don't connect with Cheever's characters, regardless of the impeccable sentence structure he employs. Of course, they generally populate a world which is completely foreign to me, the upper-crust suburbs of New York and New England, replete with maids, cooks and gardeners, almost as pieces of human furniture. The main characters seem an empty-souled lot, by and large, seldom satisfied without a partially consumed martini in hand. But, let me also confess that, of that mid-20th-Century The New Yorker group of authors, my loyalty lies firmly with J.D. Salinger. So, while I find Cheever less objectionable than Updike, well...whatever.

Check out this opening sentence from the short story "The Enormous Radio": Jim and Irene Westcott were the kind of people who seem to strike that satisfactory average of income, endeavor, and respectability that is reached by the statistical reports in college alumni bulletins. I rather like that line, as I do most of Cheever's opening lines. (Incidentally, I seldom invent an opening line of my own that's worth a shit, usually settling for a quotation or some pop culture reference.) But, then there's this gem, after a newly-purchased (and enormous) radio is turned on: The quintet was in the distance for only an instant; it bore down upon her with a speed greater than light and filled the apartment with the noise of music amplified so mightily that it knocked a china ornament from a table to the floor. Well, I hate to get too technical*, especially since I'm generally all for hyperbole. But, it irritates me that he chose "speed greater than light" to describe the travel of sound waves. My vote is to keep the bizarro world of physics in the realm of science fiction. Here it just strikes me as sloppy.

But, that's the exception anyway. It's not the writing style. It's these empty characters. Screw it. I might be back later on this...but maybe not.
____________________________________________

* By getting "too technical", of course, I mean that it is impossible for sound waves to travel at a "speed greater than light." The speed of sound varies based upon the medium through which it is traveling, among other conditons. However, under normal circumstances, sound will travel through air at approximately 761 miles per hour. The speed of light is measured in a vacuum (through which sound will not even travel, by the way), and is greater than 186,000 miles per second. This isn't even a competitive race, people. In this case, the tortoise will not beat the hare.

STOP...Haahnster Time

Thanks again for the comments, oh my lovelies. It's been one helluva week, fo' sho'. Poor little Emily is still "under the weather," as they say. I feel especially helpless watching her struggle with this illness.

Oh, by the way, thanks to Dale for the "Please, Haahnster, Don't Hurt 'em" comment. Clearly, that was the inspiration for the otherwise completely irrelevant title to this particular post.

Capote. Saw it. Loved it. Philip Seymour Hoffman rules. One word of caution, though: the film is not a substitute for reading the book, In Cold Blood. Read the book. It is a masterpiece. The film then makes a fantastic follow-up.

Speaking of authors who happen to be gay, I've been reading some John Cheever lately. So, let me rephrase. "Who happen" is probably the wrong tense, since Cheever has been dead for 24 years (and will most likely remain so for many more). Also, "gay" should perhaps be modified to "bisexual" in Cheever's case. Whatever. It's not overly relevant. I had read Falconer several years ago. In recent days, I have begun reading some of his short stories from the aptly titled The Stories of John Cheever. More on Cheever this weekend.

Completing the gay theme is the film Brokeback Mountain. I purchased a "previously-viewed" (aka used) DVD copy at my local video store for $5.95 last week. Actually, I bought 3 movies for $5.95 each, and got a 4th movie free. Anyway, I just got around to watching Brokeback Mountain on Wednesday. I thought it was pretty damned compelling. It certainly reinforced a belief I have long held. That belief is that when you find the right person for you, and they agree you are the right person for them, you should be together. Simple and naive, I know. But, I'm a simple guy. Doomed to hell, I'm sure...

Tasteful Imagery

I've never been to Niagara Falls. However, based upon what I've seen, and more importantly, heard, I'd say the sound that should accompany this picture would be an excellent sonic representation of my recent bowel movements. No offense. I feel it's time to make my blogging a bit more personal.

Good luck with your day. I'm going to try working today. ("BLAH!" has been downgraded to "blah.")

I Am Sick

I stayed home from work yesterday (Monday), for the 1st time in years. I mean years. I had a little barfing problem. Plus, Emily had been up all night sick and miserable. In fact, we took Emily to see a doctor yesterday. The doctor had a diagnosis. My wife has her own diagnosis. I'm not sure I'm willing to accept either. I have yet to rule out ebola.

I spent approximately 50% of the most recent 4 hours suffering bouts of the worst diarrhea in Haahnster history. I've already left another apologetic voicemail for my boss.

BLAH!

The Big Lebowski - F_cking Short Version

Beware the f-bomb content. But, if you're in a safe location (no boss or young children listening), check out this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqtgfjkB6Pg

And, long live the word "fuck"!

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaack In The Saddle Again

OK, I know I said I'd be gone for the weekend, and blogging would be light on my part. Then, I busted out the breastfeeding controversy and ran. Sorry. I couldn't keep it to myself. My thoughts were like a mother's milk-filled breast in the presence of her hungry, screaming infant. And, I bared those thoughts just as I feel that mother should bare her breast in that scenario.

Interesting comments by the readers of HH...here are some follow-up thoughts:

I don't even care to get too deeply into the discussion of who should wear which type of revealing clothing, and who shouldn't. And, no, I don't expect to see people copulating in public, unless I've paid to see it on a movie screen (or at a donkey show--just kidding). Here's the deal: breastfeeding is eating. It is a baby's method of eating the most healthy possible substance, mother's milk. Plain and simple: E-A-T-I-N-G. That's where I categorize it. Breastfeeding is eating. Thus, I made the comparison to someone talking with their mouth full of food, and described that as infinitely more disgusting than breastfeeding could ever be.

WP explained it to his 3-year-old child perfectly, "the baby is feeding, because that's how the mom gives him milk." Wow. Nicely done. No need to involve "sex" in the discussion, when the discussion is taking place with a child that young (who generally has no questions regarding sex). Again, let me state, I do not classify breastfeeding as a sex act. I'm really not sure how/why anyone would.

Babies in bars...I'm against it. However, if I saw a mother breastfeeding her baby in a bar, I'd probably think to myself, "Well, at least she's getting one thing right." Bottle-feeding a baby in a bar? Total loss.

And, Old Lady, I agree that it's a shame that some women choose not to breastfeed based on feeling it's "dirty" or because they view their breasts as only objects for their male partner's gratification. And, believe me, I always liked my wife's breasts. But, even more repulsive to me are marketing efforts of industrial giants such as Nestle and Mead Johnson (a Bristol-Myers Squibb Company) designed to push formula on women who would otherwise be capable of breastfeeding. Often, it is those who could most benefit financially from NOT using formula who are targeted. In fact, these marketing efforts have drawn so much attention over the years, that the following is posted on Nestle's website:

"The factors that made baby foods success in the early days of the Nestlé company — quality and superior nutritional value — are still as valid today for the wide range of infant formula, cereals and baby food made by Nestlé. The World Health Organization (WHO) recognizes that there is a legitimate market for infant formula, when a mother cannot or chooses not to breast feed her child. Nestlé markets infant formula according to the principles and aims of the WHO International Code of Marketing Breast Milk Substitutes, and seeks dialogue and cooperation with the international health community and in particular with the WHO and UNICEF, to identify problems and their solution. Nestlé's expertise as the world's leading infant food manufacturer, gained over more than 125 years, is put at the disposal of health authorities, the medical profession and mothers and children everywhere.

Breast milk is best for babies. Before you decide to use an infant formula consult your doctor or clinic for advice."
____________________________________________________

Any time you see a major corporation "seeking dialogue" and including disclaimers like the bolded lines above (their bolding, not mine), you shouldn't have to look too far to discern the source of that mysterious and disgusting odor you desperately have been attempting to identify.
____________________________________________________

PS - My sister's wedding was nice. I only had 1 beer at the reception. We made it home safe and sound.

F*ck The Puritans, And The Horses They Rode (Doggie-Style) In On

This is controversial?! This?!!!

The U.S. needs to get over its puritanical ancestry, already. Breast-feeding is incredibly healthy for the baby, and is also believed to reduce the risk of breast cancer in the mother. Hello! In the corporate world, we call that a "win-win" scenario.

And, another thing, I've seen some disgusting motherfuckers eating in public, chewing with their mouths open while talking, and spitting food all over the place in the process. That was offensive. Watching a baby suck milk from his/her mother's tit is not offensive. This is not a matter of opinion. If you are offended by something as natural as a mother nursing her infant child, you are wrong. If your mind immediately jumps to perceiving this as a sexual situation in any way, then you have a seriously twisted fetish for which you probably should seek psychological help.

No infant should EVER go hungry while the mother seeks a more private setting in which to nurse. Pull that boob out and let nature take its course! Get over yourselves, people! No matter how sinful Pastor Billy Bob might've told you the human body was, I really don't think that justifies your advocating the hunger of a child.

Read here for the story that set me off.

PS - Spell-check just wanted me to replace "motherfuckers" with "motorbike." That's pretty classic, in and of itself.

A Quick Story Before I Go

This is inspired by a brief tale I read at another blog I found through "A Cup of Coffey." I would link to the post here. But, I'm experiencing blog-shyness, because I really don't know the guy. Further, I don't recall him having commented here, either. So, since it's so short, I'll post it in its entirety (sans actual names):

Child: [whining] Daddy! Daddy! (Child's sister) said "potty" to me!
Child's sister: No, I didn't. I said it to my butt.
Child: [begins laughing uproariously]
________________________________________________

This caused me to recall a similar incident from when Alexis was a bit younger:

Alexis, the day after a sleep-over, in the car while we were driving home her two sleep-over friends: This was fun! I'm going to have another sleep-over!
Girl # 1: I'll be there!
Girl # 2: I'll be there...with my butt!
Alexis, Girl # 1, Girl #2: All begin laughing uproariously.

My conclusion: Butts are funny to young girls.
My recollection from my own childhood: Butts were funny to young boys.
My current opinion: Butts are still funny to me.

Overall conclusion: Butts are hilarious!

Wedding Bells Are Ringin'

My sister is getting married this weekend in da south 'burbs of Chicago. Most likely, it'll be very light blogging for the next couple days. Please bear with me. Ladies, feel free to bare with me. Get it? Oh, I just slay me. Oink oink.

"The Big Man Is Back"

www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com

This guy is preddy f*ckin' good. No bullsh*t. He might be built like Tony Soprano wit' a voice like Joe f*ckin' Pesci. But, he's good, dammit. Ya hear me, ya bastids?! Check out his f*ckin' website for some f*ckin' video rants that'll make ya sides ache...from f*ckin' laughin', of course. Don't even get me stahhted on this sh*t. This sh*t heeahh is preddy f*ckin' good!

"The voice, the voice of the people. And, the big man is always, always happy to see ya."

Thanks for the f*ckin' heads-up, Keith!

One To Ponder...

I owe you guys something about the film Capote, which I watched the other night. No time now...

By the way, the Lieberman/Gibson rumble is postponed due to lack of interest. I apologize for my inability to build up any Joe-mentum for the fight (thanks, Macky, for the "Joe-mentum" term).

The whole Mel Gibson incident has prompted me to ponder the following: what is the true implication of one's drunken utterances?

It is clear that almost anyone, under the influence of enough alcohol, is apt to say something outrageous. Alcohol tends to break down certain mental walls, called "inhibitions." This break-down allows for all sorts of activity that might not occur in a state of sobriety. But, it is clear as well that not everyone's outrageous statements will be anti-Semitic (or racist or homophobic or...).

So, is it "the alcohol talking?" Or, is it the person "showing their true colors?" Which cliche do you think hits closer to the mark?

Thanks

Thank you for the kind comments on the previous 2 (Emily-related) posts. It was too busy at work to allow for timely responses on my part...

Update: Emily Just Called

Situation: I'm in the office, eating lunch at my desk. The time is 11:45 AM (Central). My telephone rings. I answer, "This is..." I go no further, because I can hear Emily jabbering on the other end of the line. Plus, the caller ID on my work phone already has displayed my home number as the source of the call. After a few seconds, I say, "Hello?" (Just to make sure no one else is on a different phone in the house.) Nothing but jabbering.

So, I put it on speaker phone. This way, I can continue to hear the jabbering, while getting back to work. Bad idea. Emily decides it's time to dial again, and pushes some buttons. Nothing like the piercingly shrill sound of touch tone dialing being blared through a speakerphone. I picked back up, just as Emily was disconnecting the call.

I believe this is the 3rd time Emily has called since the beginning of July, when she really became fascinated with the phone. She will grab any phone at any opportunity (patterned after her mother's behavior?). Every once in a while, the 1st button she hits is "Redial." Sometimes, that means my number is called. Those are good times.

Emily's Purse

Haahnster's Top 5 Kubrick Films

5. Full Metal Jacket (1987)

I actually like this entire film. But, of course, the R. Lee Ermey "Gunnery Sgt. Hartman" character pushes this into the Top 5. Oh, how I enjoy an impressive tapestry of curse words! I'm such an adolescent at heart.







4. Paths of Glory (1957)

This is a brilliant anti-war film, set in WWI, and shot in black & white. If you've never seen it, by all means seek it out. Kirk Douglas stars as an idealistic French officer. It's tightly crafted, both in storyline and technique (camera work, editing, etc.). I don't see how you could be disappointed. Go out and get it!




3. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

Yeah, I know. This one should be at least one spot higher, and probably at #1. That's why this is MY blog. The comments are where you tell me how wrong I am. Yes, this is an absolute masterpiece of filmmaking. The special effects were light years ahead of their time. (Note to George Lucas: I love ya, but outer space is a vacuum, hence the silence...) I could easily see this at the top spot, which is why Kubrick is on the very short list of my favorite directors.



2. A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Yep. I did it. I put this one above 2001. So, f*ckin' sue me. I probably watched this 50 times in high school, not sure when it really started to sink in that I was loving it for the wrong reasons. Anyway, I know the "ultra-violence" turns many off to this film. But, I'm not overly squeamish, and I think there are some pretty lofty concepts being explored in this orgy of violence.



1. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

This movie is beginning-to-end excellence. Peter Sellers is wonderful, not once or twice, but in THREE roles! Apologies to George C. Scott if he felt tricked into it, but Kubrick's decision to use his over-the-top takes was fantastic, in my opinion. This is dark comedy at its finest, and a black & white delight.

Yes, I know. I agonized about leaving The Shining (1980) out of the Top 5. I'm charged with making that type of tough call. And, I'm just the guy to do it. Also, Eyes Wide Shut (1999)? Loved it. Couldn't put in the Top 5, though. Spartacus (1960) and Lolita (1962)? I've never seen 'em. Shameful on my part. Although, having read (and enjoyed) Lolita, I'm not sure I'd want to see it in live action. Barry Lyndon (1975)? It dragged on a bit for me. My least favorite of Kubrick's films, which is not the same as calling it "bad." Fear and Desire (1953), Killer's Kiss (1955), The Killing (1956)...never seen 'em, although it's my understanding that Paths of Glory is generally regarded as Kubrick's first "important" work, if you trust others to make those calls (which I try not to)...