Happy Halloween, Pt. 2

Oh, by the way, John Carpenter released Halloween in 1978. Friday the 13th came out in 1980. Thus, it is proven that Michael Myers would kick the ass of one Jason Voorhees. Just name the time and place, sucka.

Happy Halloween

A Great Band Doing A Great Version Of One Of Their Great Songs

Don't Let It Bring You Down

I'm sooooo f*cking sick of work...what a long week! Of course, I'll be working this weekend as well.

I apologize for the quality of this video, but the sound is great. I have this BBC appearance (1971) on DVD. It's sweet...real f*ckin' sweet.

_____________________________________________

And Now, A Moment Of Class (No Sound Required)

Funniest Movies--Recap

OK, so I said:

10. Dumb & Dumber; 9. The Big Lebowski; 8. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me; 7. Tommy Boy; 6. There's Something About Mary; 5. National Lampoon's Vacation; 4. South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut; 3. This Is Spinal Tap; 2. Animal House; 1. Caddyshack; which really was thrown together in about 90 seconds. But, it's as accurate as it needed to be.

Almost immediately, I realized The Jerk, Fletch, and American Pie were possible omissions. Commenters proceeded to point out others, which I will address one-by-one here:

The Mummy - I saw it once on video...don't recall much laughter or any enjoyment.
Eight-Legged Freaks - I've never seen it.
Skin Deep - I've never seen it.
Noises Off - I've never seen it.
Arsenic and Old Lace - I've never seen it.
Raising Arizona - I've seen it and enjoyed it. I love the Coen brothers. I need to see it again...
Scrooged - I've seen it once a long time ago. I love Bill Murray. I don't recall this being amongst my favorites of his.
Blues Brothers - I've seen it several times and enjoyed it. But, this one's overrated in my eyes.
A Night In Casablanca - I've never seen it.
Elf - Great one...worthy of consideration...in the Top 3 of "family" comedies for sure.
Take The Money And Run - I've never seen it
Stripes - Holy Shit!!! MAJOR omission on my part.
Face/Off - Mindless action does not equal comedy for me. It just equals mindless action...which is perfect if I'm in the right mood.
Young Frankenstein - I've never seen it (unbelievable as that seems).
Two Week Notice - I've never seen it (Hugh Grant = "romantic" comedy, right?).
Liar, Liar - Worthy contender, as is the 1st Ace Ventura movie (Pet Detective).
The Ref - I've never seen it, but I like Denis Leary (it's him, right?).
Me Myself & Irene - OK, but not my favorite Jim Carrey or Farrelly brothers...
Clerks - Worthy contender, as are most Kevin Smith movies. I think I might like Clerks II better than Clerks! Is that blasphemous??!?!
Office Space - Yes! Yes! This simply MUST find a spot on the list!
O Brother Where Art Thou - Worthy contender from the Coen Brothers...can't knock off Lebowski for me, though.
Super Troopers - This one is right there! If not Top 10, then certainly Top 15, meow.
Strange Brew - I've never seen it, which is bizarre. I was like 12 or 13 when it came out. Most of my friends loved it. I liked SCTV and specifically "Bob & Doug McKenzie." WHY haven't I ever seen this?!?
Army of Darkness - I've never seen it.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles - Another one that is right there. "Train don't run outta Wichita, lessen you a hog or a cattle. People train run out of [snooorrtts--hacks--clears throat] Stubbeville."
Zoolander - I've never seen it, which is also bizarre, since I really enjoy Ben Stiller.
The Princess Bride - I've never seen it. Isn't that a fucking Streisand movie?!? Jeez-us...oh, wait, that's The Prince of Tides...
Blazing Saddles - I've seen it. It's a classic...just not in my Top 10.
Airplane! - Those deadpan, Leslie Nielsen, sight-gag-filled things were never my cup of tea (includes Naked Gun, etc.).
Fargo - Great movie! Wonderful dark comedy (probably 2nd best dark comedy of all time, after Dr. Strangelove...), just not what I was considering for this list.
Bananas - I've never seen it. And, I must say, I only marginally "get" Woody Allen.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High - Oh, HELL yes! This is an all-time classic, especially for someone who was 11 or 12 when it came out. Spicoli is as good a comedic character as anyone in any film discussed in this post. Next to Caddyshack, this is about as quotable a comedy as there is.

Also, I absolutely bust a gut while viewing the following Eddie Murphy movies: Trading Places, Coming To America, and The Nutty Professor. Beverly Hills Cop was good, too.

Back To The Future? F*cking classic, McFly. What about Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Ghostbusters? Groundhog Day? Anchorman? Old School?

What a can of worms!

The Internet Is A Series Of YouTubes

Update on Dice

Where In Holy F*ck Is...?

Andrew Dice Clay,
Remember him?
Yeah, I f*cked him

[Disclaimer: The preceding claim of intimate relations with "Dice" was a gross fabrication on my part for which I apologize profusely.]

Amazing that dirty nursery rhymes couldn't sustain a longer career...

OK, F*ck All This Other Shit...

...we have live concert footage of Eleventh Dream Day in Cleveland on 1-Feb-1990, performing "Awake I Lie." [CLICK HERE]

Holy Shit! That's rock and roll, baby! Distorted guitar GLORY!!!

Consider this a plea for help on how to capture this video to my own hard drive.

Top 10 Funniest Movies Ever Made

OK, enough about my dashing good looks.

Rob over at AMillionMonkeys has concocted a "Funniest Movies Ever" list (click here). It's not bad. However, I've given it some thought, and am going to offer this alternative:

10. Dumb & Dumber
9. The Big Lebowski
8. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
7. Tommy Boy
6. There's Something About Mary
5. National Lampoon's Vacation
4. South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
3. This Is Spinal Tap
2. Animal House
1. Caddyshack

Obviously, there's no way to do this effectively. So, fire away! I'll be interested in some alternate views. Just bear in mind that it's "funniest" (i.e. inducing uproarious laughter) not "best comedies" (in which case, Dr. Strangelove... would've won hands down). In other words, you don't have to be proud of the degree to which you find them funny (e.g. Kingpin almost made my list). And, you certainly don't have to consider them well-crafted films (# 9 and # 3 are almost too well-made). Just funny, damn it.

PS - I can't wait to see Clerks II on DVD. If my first impression (based on 1 viewing in the theater) is confirmed, it's a shoe-in to make my next revision of this list.

PPS - DAMN! No The Jerk, Fletch, or American Pie...shit, this is tough. No Will Farrell, Gene Wilder, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, or Mel Brooks. Ouch. Like I said, fire away...

No, This Is Me

The person pictured in the previous post is Neil Young, and the link is to footage of an acoustic performance of his classic guitar piece, "Cortez The Killer."

In response to Beth's inquiry in the comments, I have decided to reveal, at long last, my current appearance. Here I am.

Just Don't Play It In Spain

Click here for a little something to get your Monday started...

Back By Popular Demand

You know, the more I think about this picture, I'd better ask my mom to confirm this. But, I think I'm recalling now that the sweet, red-bandana shirt might've been a home-made item.

Would you call that head of hair a "mushroom" cut or just a standard "bowl" cut? No need for ear muffs, that's certain.

Does anyone know why, at age 36, I now have the occasional hair(s) growing out of my ear(s)? I hate that. Perhaps I should return to the hairstyle pictured here. It would certainly hide any errant ear hairs. And, really, aren't any/all ear hairs "errant," by nature? They serve no purpose (somewhat akin to W's smirk).

My wife makes great chili. I'm having some leftover chili for lunch later.

Work sucks. At least I only have to do it for another thirty years, or so...

"Love Hurts"

The Complete Reprise Sessions is a 3-CD box set of early-'70s material from Gram Parsons. Beth has covered GP and Grievous Angel here already. They are the two albums included here, with bonus material. Beth has hit on two of my favorites, "She" and "Brass Buttons."

Another of my favorites is "Love Hurts," an Everly Brothers album track and Roy Orbison b-side written by Boudleaux Bryant. (Yes, this is the same "Love Hurts" later covered by the band Nazareth, among others.) Among the bonus cuts is a wonderful live-in-studio performance of "Love Hurts" with Emmylou Harris, recorded at WBCN in March 1973. "Love Hurts" was later included on Grievous Angel, which was released posthumously in 1974.

If, like me (until this week), you've never checked out Gram Parsons, you probably should. This is especially true if you've ever enjoyed any of the many country-rock and alt-country acts upon which Parsons was such a huge influence.

The Hapless Arizona Cardinals

OK, so Matt Leinart looked good on the first drive. He led them down the field to a TD. (Rex Grossman picked a Monday Night Football game as his opportunity to look like a true Bears QB.) True, Leinart had a second TD pass in the 1st Quarter. But, that drive started on the 25 yd-line after an interception and return of a Grossman pass. It was a gift. And then there's the fact that da Bears had 5 more turnovers (for a total of 4 Grossman INTs and 2 Grossman fumbles--someone call Canton, OH; tell them to stop payment on the check for Rex's Hall-of-Fame statue), and yet the Cardinals managed just 9 more points on 3 FGs.

Did I go to bed at halftime with da Bears down 20-0? Of course not. Did I go to bed with less than 2 minutes left in the 3rd Quarter and da Bears down 23-3? Of course not. That's just when the fun was beginning...

0:02 remaining in the 3rd: Rookie phenom, Defensive End Mark Anderson brutally blindsided Leinart, jarring the ball loose for a fumble, which All-World Safety Mike Brown scooped up and returned 3-yards for a defensive TD. Score: 23-10

5:00 remaining in the 4th: Da Bears "D" stymies an Edgerrin James run up the middle. Urlacher rips the football out of James's arms for a rare James fumble. Defensive Back Charles Tillman picks the ball up off the turf and returns it 40 yards for a second defensive TD. Score: 23-17

2:58 remaining in the 4th: Arizona punts after yet another defensive stand by da Bears. Rookie Devin Hester returns the punt 83 yards for a special teams TD. Score: Bears 24-23 over Arizona

Then, just to show the truly hapless nature of the Arizona Cardinals, Leinart leads them on a decent last-minute drive. Da Bears stand firm on a late 3rd and 1, forcing a 41-yard FG attempt with 53 seconds remaining, and normally-reliable kicker Neil Rackers kicks it wide...no good...DA BEARS! [ Final Score: Bears 24-23 over Arizona ] So, then it was bedtime. This morning I'm tired but happy. Thank heaven for the Arizona Cardinals.

Did Your Favorites Make The List?

Hell, I like lists. I like writing them, reading them, debating them, etc.

Well, here's a peach from 2005: "1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die."

1001!!! That's a lot of reading.

Expect more commentary in the near future (I just stumbled upon this).

UPDATE: The list has passed my initial credibility check. Neil Young is fairly well represented: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere, After the Gold Rush, Harvest, On the Beach, Tonight's the Night, Rust Never Sleeps, Ragged Glory, plus Buffalo Springfield – Again and Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Déjà vu

I'd certainly add Zuma and Freedom, at least (probably Sleeps With Angels also). Oh shit, and Live Rust...but, anyway, it's a respectable level of representation.

I'll Believe It When I See It

Amazon is really trying to make it look as if Neil Young is going to start releasing his much-ballyhooed and oft-delayed "Archives" on November 14, 2006. (See here for pre-order details.)

"For years, fans of Neil Young and Crazy Horse have been waiting for an official chance to hear Crazy Horse live with original leader Danny Whitten, the insanely talented guitarist who died of a heroin overdose in late 1972, inspiring Tonight's the Night. Tuned-in fans have been awaiting this very set for at least a dozen years, as it was originally to be tacked onto the end of a Decade-style triple CD of outtakes. Thankfully, this well-recorded live set from the infamous Fillmore East was well worth the wait. Here are scorching, extended takes of 'Down by the River,' 'Winterlong,' and 'Cowgirl in the Sand,' each propelled by guitar interplay so delightful you have to keep rewinding to hear it again. In fact, bits of it seem to prefigure the ways that Richard Lloyd and Tom Verlaine would feed off each other in the band Television, only with less of a sweet edge. But the world doesn't need any more arguments that Young was a proto-punk; what the world does need is at least a dozen more releases from Neil's archives! And hopefully, with this awesome live album, the floodgates have truly been opened and there are many more to come, in the vein of Dylan's Bootleg series. This disc is worth it alone for the version of 'Wondering,' a tune not officially recorded until many years later in Neil's weird '80s rockabilly phase." --Mike McGonigal

Careful readers of this blog will recall the comparison of Verlaine/Lloyd to Young/Whitten from several months back. And, yes, I've heard this set. And, yes, it's the absolute pinnacle of electric guitar magic! I can only imagine how magnificent a professionally remastered copy will sound!!!

Track Listing:
1. Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
2. Winterlong
3. Down By The River
4. Wonderin'
5. Come On Baby Let's Go Downtown
6. Cowgirl In The Sand

Now, for my two complaints:

#1. My old b**tleg of this show includes "Cinnamon Girl," and a pretty cool version of it, if I do say so myself (including Jack Nitzsche on electric piano). Why drop this cut? The acoustic set is already missing. The electric set is under 50 minutes with "Cinnamon Girl." Why drop anything at this point?

#2. It isn't going to happen anyway. Neil is predictable in one respect: he WILL delay the Archives. He's done it time and again. Pre-order? Nah...I'll wait until I know it's really true.

Get What You Need

"I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. I didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them." -- Judge Smails

Well, I dug into my Stones b--tlegs. I didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to myself.

In any event, this one is toooooo sweeeeeeeet! Get What You Need is the 2002 "Mickboy"* remastering of Let It Bleed. Not only is the sound pretty incredible by my estimation, but there are also ten bonus tracks. That's right. Look at the list of song titles under Let It Bleed in my previous post. Then, add to that:
10. Honky Tonk Women - single, remastered
11. Gimme Shelter - audio from the never-seen USA promo video
12. Country Honk - original Keith-gtr only acetate w/o overdubs
13. Jiving Sister Fanny
14. You Got The Silver - Mick on lead vocals, remastered
15. Gimme Shelter - alternate version (wider stereo)
16. Love In Vain - from The Ed Sullivan Show
17. I Don't Know Why
18. You Can't Always Get What You Want - from David Frost's show
19. Honky Tonk Women - early acetate w/o Mick Taylor's overdubs, and including the deleted "Sailors in Paris" verse

* You might be asking, "Who in blue f*ck is Mickboy?" Good question. As far as I can tell, he's a self-proclaimed Dutch fan of the Stones who takes high-quality vinyl pressings of Stones albums, and runs them through an EQ. He also seems to have access to a wide array of unofficial/unreleased material, which he is kind enough to include as he transfers his remastered material to CD. Mickboy is not without his detractors. I think the stuff is worth a listen, especially since he includes so much bonus material. It's not like the Stones are starving...

PS - "Gimme Shelter" is one of those songs that literally gives me goosebumps every time I hear it. There's just something about Ms. Clayton's backing vocals, not to mention that piercing, stinging guitar...LOVE it!!!! Definitely in my Stones Top 5 ("Gimme Shelter"..."Sympathy for the Devil"..."Paint It, Black"...plus 2 others, depending on when you ask me).

STONES!!!!

Check out Keith Kennedy's discussion of the late-'60s Stones, mainly Beggars Banquet (1968), through this link. As I have commented on his post, I absolutely LOVE the Stones of the late-'60s/early-'70s. Check Beth's post on Let It Bleed (1969) right here.

Let's even exclude the live album, Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out! (1970), even though it's excellent. Let's just check out their studio output between late-'68 and mid-'72:

Beggars Banquet (December 1968)
"Sympathy for the Devil"
"No Expectations"
"Dear Doctor"
"Parachute Woman"
"Jigsaw Puzzle"
"Street Fighting Man"
"Prodigal Son" (Rev. Robert Wilkins)
"Stray Cat Blues"
"Factory Girl"
"Salt of the Earth"
Let It Bleed (December 1969)
"Gimme Shelter"
"Love In Vain" (Robert Johnson)
"Country Honk"
"Live With Me"
"Let It Bleed"
"Midnight Rambler"
"You Got The Silver"
"Monkey Man"
"You Can't Always Get What You Want"
Sticky Fingers (April 1971)
"Brown Sugar"
"Sway"
"Wild Horses"
"Can't You Hear Me Knocking"
"You Gotta Move" (Fred McDowell, Reverend Gary Davis)
"Bitch"
"I Got The Blues"
"Sister Morphine" (Mick Jagger, Keith Richard, Marianne Faithfull)
"Dead Flowers"
"Moonlight Mile"
Exile on Main St. (May 1972)
"Rocks Off"
"Rip This Joint"
"Shake Your Hips" (Slim Harpo)
"Casino Boogie"
"Tumbling Dice"
"Sweet Virginia"
"Torn and Frayed"
"Sweet Black Angel"
"Loving Cup"
"Happy"
"Turd on the Run"
"Ventilator Blues" (Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Mick Taylor)
"I Just Want to See His Face"
"Let It Loose"
"All Down the Line"
"Stop Breaking Down" (Robert Johnson)
"Shine a Light"
"Soul Survivor"

All songs were written by Jagger/Richards, unless noted in parentheses. Thank heaven for the Rolling Stones!!!!

Enjoy Your Day

3 Albums By A Man With 2 First Names

All apologies for the ridiculously corny title to this post. My brain has yet to shift out of first gear. What a blah morning!

I'm thinking about digging out my old Peter Gabriel vinyl. I haven't listened to these LPs in years. I was never the world's biggest "progressive" rock fan. I have Fragile by Yes and maybe Emerson, Lake & Palmer's Greatest Hits. But, I remember liking Peter Gabriel. I never had the early Genesis (or ANY other Genesis, for that matter) albums on which Gabriel was the bandleader. However, I know I have some of his solo stuff.

Pictured above are his first three solo albums, all self-titled, from 1977, 1978, and 1980, respectively (from left to right). I know I have the first and third. I don't think I ever got the second (but, dig that cool, "Scratch" cover!). He also had a fourth album in 1982 that was supposed to be self-titled. But, in the U.S. at least, Geffen slapped the title Security on it. That was kind of a breakthrough, early-MTV era album for him, as I recall. "Shock the Monkey" was a song for which the video received a lot of play.

Anyway, I think I'll try to dig out some Peter Gabriel. I know the first album has the classic, "Solsbury Hill," and the third album has "Games Without Frontiers" and "Biko." Not sure why I'm "previewing" a musical selection in this manner. Kind of a new thing for me, but I'm not awake enough yet to think of anything else to write.

Ziggy Played Guitar

Today's selection is David Bowie's The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars (1972), or, from here on out, Ziggy Stardust. I called this post “Ziggy Played Guitar,” which is used as both the first and last line of the song “Ziggy Stardust.” Other potential titles I considered for this post include:
“Don't Lean on Me, Man”
“Hey, Man”
“Like a Leper Messiah”
“Like Some Cat from Japan”
“Making Love With His Ego”
“My Work’s Down The Drain”
“Well Hung and Snow White Tan”
“Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma’am”

And, those are just lyrics from 2 of the 11 songs, “Ziggy Stardust” and “Suffragette City.” I was remembering that discussion from a few weeks back about songs that go together as a pair (e.g. “We Will Rock You”/“We Are The Champions”). “Ziggy Stardust”/“Suffragette City” belong on that list. At least, that's how the AOR stations played them where I grew up. But everyone knows those two heavy, electric guitar-driven classics, right?

How about “Five Years,” with its piano throughout, and then brilliant, screamed-chorus ending?

How about “Soul Love” with its unique combination of electric guitar power chords and jazzy saxophone?

How about “Moonage Daydream” with its aggressive, hard-edged guitar (electric & acoustic) and piano poundings? (“Freak out in a moonage daydream”)

How about “Starman” with its acoustic guitar, keyboards (and, yes, strings!) and cool electric lead guitar? (“He'd like to come and meet us/But he thinks he'd blow our minds”)

How about “It Ain't Easy” (written by Ron Davies and previously covered by Three Dog Night in 1970)? This one's a catchy little ditty, with a memorable chorus and very nice guitar work by Mr. Mick Ronson.

How about “Lady Stardust,” a piano-based tune about a cross-dressing singer/bandleader? (“Yes, he was alright/The song went on forever”) Where did Bowie get the inspiration for such a crazy concept as a cross-dressing singer/bandleader? (wink, wink)

How about “Star” with its driving, pounding piano? Was Bowie a space-age Little Richard on heroin? Just a thought. (“I could play the wild mutation/As a rock and roll star”)

How about “Hang Onto Yourself”? This one has more of the heavy, electric power chords and acoustic strumming, basically equal in the mix together, which is such a cool sound! (“We're the Spiders from Mars”)

How about “Rock 'N' Roll Suicide,” which is the acoustic, dirge-like closer?

I know, I know. I'm supposed to brag up Ziggy Stardust as such high, concept art. Whatever. Yes, there's a similar theme amongst the songs, and a barely-coherent story line that spans the album. But, I really don't give a shit about that. To me, this album is a great collection of tunes, a fantastic songwriting effort by Bowie. True, it flows wonderfully from beginning to end. However, it also would work in a random, "shuffle" mode on a CD or iPod. Rolling Stone says this LP is #35 of all-time. That's pretty high praise. I won't disagree.

In Case You Missed It

This is Bernard Berrian. He is a wide receiver for the Chicago Bears.

Da Bears. Da Bears.

Mr. Berrian is quite fast, often getting behind the opposing defensive backs to become quite open. This is an unusual situation for the Chicago Bears.

Da Bears. Da Bears.

Here's the clincher: Bears Quarterback Rex Grossman can actually throw the ball in such a manner as to allow Mr. Berrian to catch it. This is almost unprecedented for a Bears QB.

Thus far, I like this season.

My New Favorite Email

Sometimes I look at my "Bulk" folder in my Yahoo! email just for fun. My new favorite:

Sender: Large Penis Sex
Subject: SEXUALLY-EXPLICIT: Chicks getting their pussies ripped apart by fat cock!

I'm too tired to delve into the myriad issues surrounding this. I'm actually only awake because I ate way too much at a (Mexican) restaurant tonight, and just awoke from a dead sleep to vomit violently (my stomach was ripped apart by fat enchiladas).

I'll just say that although I'm a fan of "adult" films, I must not harbor the requisite amount of hatred against women to want to see them "ripped apart." Also, the triple animal reference ("Chicks...pussies...cock!") is putting me more in the mind of Wild Kingdom.

I Woke Up This Morning, And I Got Myself A Beer

Actually, I didn't. But, I'm sitting here wishing I had.

I heard the most ridiculous political ad on the radio this morning, driving through Central Illinois. It went something like this:

Woman's voice droning about "Mike Smith" voting against internet filters in schools to protect kids from on-line predators, even though he knows 1 in 6 kids has been propositioned over the internet...Mike Smith is out of touch with Illinois families...

So, now I start paying attention, because this is sounding like some pretty negative stuff. And, so, here is my (pretty good, I think) attempt at transcribing the rest of the ad from memory:

Same woman's voice: "Even though thousands of sex offenders are missing from the rolls, Mike Smith voted to divert key funds from the state police sex registry initiative. Instead, he spent the money on pork projects for the city of Chicago."

[Let me pause here to explain to my readers from outside Illinois that this is a classic downstate-Illinois tactic: blame Chicago for any/all perceived evils, and tie your opponent to Chicago.]

Man's voice: "So, Mike Smith voted to take money from the state police and spend it on a parade and hip hop festival?!? That's just wrong! Mike Smith is out of touch."

[Now, I probably don't have to explain the implications here. But, just in case, let me explain that large portions of downstate-Illinois are rural, lots of small towns and farming, mostly white people, isolated from the diversity of a larger, urban area such as Chicago. The mere mention of "hip hop" can only be designed to play on the basest racial stereotypes and fears (Fear of a Black Planet, as Public Enemy would say). Or, maybe it's just me. But, I'd love to see the bill that was introduced in the Illinois State Legislature that stated, "Let's take money out of a state police sex offender registry project and use it to hold a hip hop festival in Chicago."]

I need that beer.

DVD Bargain

I recently got the best bargain on DVDs in as long as I can remember. It was just the other day at Best Buy. There was a 3 for $20 rack, and I filled 3 gaping holes in my comedy collection:

• Spaceballs
• Super Troopers
• This Is Spinal Tap!

Now, tell me that wasn't sweet.

PS - Today sucks at work. Bye. Littering, and...littering, and....littering, and...

I'm Mighty Proud Of You

Japanese man recites “pi” to 100,000 decimal places from memory.

Wow! I thought I wasted a lot of time.

I’m flabbergasted at this insanity masking itself as some great feat of intellectual dexterity. F*ck you, buddy! I can recite over 90% of the dialogue to Caddyshack from memory, and in the characters’ voices, too.

So, I've got that going for me...which is nice.

I mean, whatever, my man. 3.141fuckyou.

OK, I shouldn't piss all over the guy's life's work. But, come on. This is taking math-geekdom to a whole new level. And, I love mathematics as much as the next guy (or, so I thought).

Random Thoughts As I Scan My Blog

First of all, I can’t seem to get the song “Shattered” (by the Rolling Stones) out of my head, especially the lines, “Go ahead. Bite the Big Apple. Don’t mind the maggots.” Odd, isn’t it?

Secondly, I realize that I have not weighed in on the whole Foley situation. Here’s my take: Axel Foley still rocks. Mark Foley is a piece of shit. And, isn't it interesting to hear the Foley-defenders blame the victims, or permissive attitudes in the modern culture, or anything else at which they can grasp desperately? Let me clarify: the guy is a sick fuck. Shoot him in the head, lock him up, or send him for treatment. But, don't try to trivialize his actions by saying that the pages "egged him on." PS - In Hastert's defense, he only waited to make a move because he assumed Dateline NBC would get Foley on one of their "To Catch a Predator" episodes.

Interesting twist these school shootings have taken, wouldn’t you say? Now, it’s disturbed adults entering schools to shoot up the place, and then themselves. And, an Amish schoolhouse? A fucking AMISH schoolhouse? Are you fucking kidding me?!!!

Oh, and holy shit, I almost forgot! There’s going to be a movie out soon, directed by Martin Scorsese, and featuring Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg, and Martin Sheen. I think I even saw Alec Baldwin’s name mentioned. This should be kick-ass to the nth degree, my friends. The Departed, watch for it.

I’ve been listening to Ziggy Stardust quite a bit. I’ll probably post on that soon. Have a great day.

The Worst Things That Have Ever Happened To Me, Vol. III

Situation:
It took me 3 weeks to find out about REM's latest DVD.

Date:
October 3, 2006

The Story: REM released a DVD companion to their latest CD retrospective from their years on I.R.S. Records (And I Feel Fine...The Best Of The I.R.S. Years 1982-1987). They released this DVD on the same day as the CD, which was September 12, 2006. I just found out about these releases today, October 3, 2006. This is unacceptable. Luckily, someone posted about it on the Neil Young list I check almost daily. (Yes, mom, I know, “Put it on your Christmas list!” Sorry, no willpower.) I rectified the situation today at lunch by purchasing the DVD (and the 2-disc edition of the CD, and the 2-disc edition of In Time: The Best Of R.E.M. 1988-2003).

I feel better already.

Say Goodbye To The Bad Man(ager)

Dusty Baker is OUT! No more “in Dusty we trusty.” Bye, bye, Baker. Seeeee yaa!


Not that I place all the blame on Dusty. I’m a life-long Cubs fan. I’ve learned there’s always plenty of blame to spread around. Speaking of which, also waving goodbye was Andy McPhail (I’ll resist the juvenile temptation to misspell his name “McFAIL”), Cubs’ President.

It's really just as plainly simple as this, folks:
the worst record in the National League (66-96) has to have consequences.

Now, why in holy f*ck would we hold on to Prior and Wood? Someone please tell me they’re out next.

Bad Night's Sleep

Emily had shots yesterday, and didn't sleep well at all. I need my morning coffee. Running behind today...more blogging later(?)

The Worst Things That Have Ever Happened To Me, Vol. II

Situation:
I saw horribly disturbing photographs of maggots.

Date:
Saturday, September 30, 2006

The Story: I found maggots in what used to be a sack of potatoes in my garage. I attempted to blog about it by stealing “The Worst Things That Have Ever Happened To Me” concept from The Official Site of Grant Miller. I searched Yahoo! for “maggots” and found these photos, amongst others.

I am very disturbed.

BREAKING NEWS: Knox Blasts "Cut & Run" Democrats

Haahnster’s Hallucinations has an exclusive: Henry Knox has been quoted as telling President George W. Bush, “Ye oughtn’t succumb to the faulty notion of dissection and retreat with celerity. Verily, I say unto thee, ‘Thou shalt not cut and run – in the parlance of your times.’” Mr. Knox was also quoted as saying that although not a huge fan of reality television, he thought “The Biggest Loser is pretty rad.” Knox explained, “I’m a veritable sucker for man-boobs.”

Knox was reached by séance, as arranged under the direction of current Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. Rumsfeld explained, “We got sound advice from an experienced Secretary of War. We provided employment, albeit temporary, for a psychic who had been displaced by Hurricane Katrina. And, we added a minority to our White House payroll, instantaneously enhancing our diversity statistics. I call that a ‘win-win-win.’”

Rumsfeld scoffed at the revelation by notorious Watergate newshound Bob Woodward that George W. Bush has been seeking advice on Iraq from Henry Kissinger. “Many find this news alarming on two fronts. For one, Kissinger was Nixon’s Secretary of State during the disastrous Viet Nam conflict. And, two, some thought I (recycled from the Ford Administration) was a fossil, and Kissinger, they claim, well, he’s just downright ancient.” Rumsfeld chuckled. “Wait til they find out we’re channeling Knox’s advice. What are they going to say, George Washington wasn’t a great President? We should doubt a member of his cabinet? Bring it on, Democrats. Bring it on.”

Top-ranking members of the Democratic Party did not immediately return calls (that were not actually placed).

Haahnster, Circa 1979 (3rd Grade)

Yes, that shirt really looked like a cowboy's red bandana.

Yes, I think I was missing at least one front tooth.

No, I have no idea what I was looking at (up and to my left).